First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
