Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
