I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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