Its about making memories worth repressing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
