I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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