I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I FOUND THE LEGS
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
