Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i think i just lost a toe
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
