You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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