dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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