thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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