if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
