It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
