I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
