Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
