i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize