Me. At least after what I've been through.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
