A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
