I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
