that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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