I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize