Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
