Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
