Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
