You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
