I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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