does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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