So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
