They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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