No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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