i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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