it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
