I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
