I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
