At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
