Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
