Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
