What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
