So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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