I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
