my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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