New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
