So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
