ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize