My friends, they love my intelligence
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
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