I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
