Just fell off a train. Bad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize