Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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