I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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