dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
