we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
