i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
