My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
