The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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