We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
