So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
