Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
