before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
