So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
