The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
