i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
