so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize