People in love make me want to vomit
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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