I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
