Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
