I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize