Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't make out with my wife yet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
