her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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