he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
