I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
