Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
