we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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