I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
