...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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