You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
