I must be too annoying 4 u.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have aggressive nipples.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
