So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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