i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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