"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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