some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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