you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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