Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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