elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
