If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
